“I’m ready for a change now but making this change is harder than I thought.” An extract from my journal written 16th April 2015
“I’m ready for a change now but change is harder than I thought. Something in me choses to resist and revert to the status quo. But I’m feeling stagnant, unfulfilled, uninspired and is has been so very long since the “magic” was able to flow. My belly is swollen with sugar and carbs - my attempt to give myself energy - not exactly the best way is it?
The days roll into weeks, into months and into years. More than ever I am feeling that creativity is what it is all about for me. What life would I chose if I took a moment to consider? What would I bring about for myself now that I am 50 years old?
Well, it would involve living by the sea, writing, coaching, exercising my body and connecting with family and friends. So what is stopping me? What steps can I take? And how much of this do I do now on a daily basis? Not enough that’s for sure.
If you go to the trouble of setting yourself a goal – do yourself a favour and believe in your ability to achieve it
I’ve become terrified of making a mistake, being wrong, messing up or being told off – all childhood stuff.
What is the outcome I want?
Creativity. Freedom. Passion
Is there a way of following my heart and providing security for my boys?
Got it all going round in my head – I will never be happy in a corporate environment; will never make a success out of any job financially due to my need for creativity and freedom. It just isn’t going to happen, is it?
Reasons for leaving……
Salary – too low
5 years is enough
No progression
Culture/atmosphere
Winners take a risk!
Reasons for staying….
Pension
Regular income
Holidays
Hours
Colleagues
Convenient location close to the town centre
Library I can use at lunchtime
What has come up for me?
Complete fear of making a mistake
Held back in any career for all my life except when I had my own business
Lack of belief in myself
Caring too much what others say
KEEPING SAFE – or worrying about not being safe
Money insights
Change your attitude to money
Raise your expectations but stay authentic and true to yourself
To work on
Resilience
Will power and determination
What is more valuable: a demanding, all-consuming career OR a life of experiences and connection?
How much is within our control? can we change? Or is it that these are the things we have come into this life to experience?
If you know it so clearly and so strongly - Why aren’t you doing it? “
The above is a word for word extract from my journal written almost exactly 7 years to the day. It highlights all the internal angst and conflict I was working through. Thank goodness I have done myself a favour, stepped up and started living life on my terms instead of continuing to agonise over it. As for those reasons for staying were they really compelling enough? and more to the point, were they only possible by staying in that job? Or was that just how closed my mind was to there being another way.
Can you relate? And if so, how long have you been struggling to come to a decision? Don’t stay stuck trying to figure it out on your own.
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